"QUALIFICATIONS OF AN ACP CREWMEMBER" ~ G.Ogletree

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"QUALIFICATIONS OF AN ACP CREWMEMBER" ~ G.Ogletree

Postby AE on Sun Jul 16, 2006 3:38 am

I confess, when I first happened across this (long, long ago in a capsule far, far away from Support Base Malmstrom), there were only about a dozen numbered items on this page in the LCC's Captain's Log. With little effort, I added another half-dozen. I know Kilo isn't the wing's ACP anymore, and there have been a number of changes "down under," but perhaps some of the old heads will enjoy this:


QUALIFICATIONS FOR AN ACP CREW MEMBER

1. Able to pull the IPD C/B at a moment's notice, but if priority actions preclude this, expert at splicing edited CMPG tape together without arousing suspicion.

2. Proficient at making comments and rebuttals to Radio Moscow on the HF radio.

3. Can depress HVC, EWO 1, and NAF "Ack" buttons simultaneously without dropping wife off of Dial Line 1.

4. At sound of warble tone, is able to haul up trousers and sprint to the "Ack" button before being polled by NAF headquarters controller.

5. Knows how to rig "Ack" button for permanent acknowledgements.

6. Knows at least three ways of breaking IPD seisure of Dial Line 1.

7. Can call up OFF ALERT status on SRCC without referencing SACR 55-8, Volume 3.

8. Can trash sortie degrades received on SRCC without batting an eye.

9. Demonstrates great manual dexterity by silencing SACCS alarms on racks that are 6 feet apart, while simultaneously resetting buffers, modems, and recycling crypto.

10. Must be able to fashion a "weenie-roast stick" from unavailable coat hanger and then find it after other crews hide it. Also knows at least four fool-proof hiding places in the LCC for matches.

11. Able to burn 2-foot lengths of cryptovariable segments using a 2-inch paper clip without burning fingers. Also proficient at burning crypto cards and classified SRCC trash without melting the aesthetic curtain surrounding the sink/commode.

12. Knows SACCS and Crypto Maintenance personnel by their first names! (Also knows more about the crypto operation than crypto maintenance people do!)

13. Knows all the actions required for a "White Rocket" message.

14. Able to translate, decipher, and understand messages brought to the field--and explain to SCP crews what the messages really say and mean.

15. Can do Attitude Checks, Morale Calls, and coordinate Ugly Man contests, and then craftily rig the results for the desired outcome.

16. Does not tremble in the shadow of WCP authority, and knows the REAL meaning of the term "sound professional judgment."

17. Always remembers to answer the phone saying: "Wing Alternate Command Post, alternate Wing Commander speaking."
ILCS Class 31 / ALCS Class 90-2
490 SMS - 341 SMW/DOTI - 4315 CCTS - 4 ACCS - 2 ACCS
... and damned proud of every single one of my 476 nuclear alerts in SAC!
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Re: "QUALIFICATIONS OF AN ACP CREWMEMBER" ~ G.Ogletree

Postby njh621 on Thu Jul 05, 2007 5:20 am

I laughed at just the thought of #2.
-Nick Halliday
Titan II Historian/
Electrical Engineer ("In training")
AAFM Member SA086
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Re: "QUALIFICATIONS OF AN ACP CREWMEMBER" ~ G.Ogletree

Postby PASMAN II on Sun Jul 08, 2007 12:16 am

My FAV #17: At El Forko, pulling alerts at Mike-Zero (ACP) made you the "Alternate Wing Commander". LMFAO!

#18 - Able to "discreetly" tell ALCC to Fuk-Off via UHF radio during those "inconvenient" Polo Hats!
Bob

Vandenberg - Deuce 68 - 1983
321 SMW - 446 SMS - 1983-1987
Flight Commander A-0
ACP Qualified 1985
SELM 85-4 (Primary)
258 Nuclear Alerts
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